In a recent telephone call with a friend halfway around the world, the true nature of caregiving became yet a little bit clearer to me. Hal is the primary caregiver for his mother who is living with early stage Alzheimer’s disease.  He felt that he actually has it better than many others he has spoken with in his situation, due to his mother’s sweet and loving disposition.

One day, Hal was confronted with a situation he had never let himself think about before. In retrospect, he admitted to himself that his mother’s condition was deteriorating, but suddenly and seemingly out of the blue, he found that her condition had changed to the point where it was necessary for him to assist with her bathing.   Hal was, at first, understandably exceedingly disquieted by the task before him.  This was one life passage that was never before discussed or even contemplated by Hal as he was growing up.  He had taken on the role of caregiver to his mom without complaint and felt good about his ability to ensure that she was kept safe and sound in a loving home, but this would be one very big step he was about to take in his relationship with her.

Hal was quite surprised by his reaction to his first experience bathing his mother.

He had expected to now need years of couch-time with a therapist or at least to wake up trying to shake off the images of the experience. He knew that it was important for his mother to be living with him and that in her particular situation; it was the right thing to do, unless or until conditions demanded a different solution. What he hadn’t realized was that the experience would leave him feeling honored and not just a little bit proud.  Honored that he was able to shepherd his mother through this crucial time in her life and proud that he was able to do what was necessary to keep her healthy and safe. This experience became a life passage from which Hal graduated cum laude, not only due to his hard work and good deeds, but also to his recognition of and appreciation for his own actions. 
 

Fearless Caregiver Manifesto
PRINCIPLE ONE

I will fearlessly assess my personal strengths and weaknesses, work diligently to bolster my weaknesses and to graciously recognize my strengths.

 

Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
gary@caregiver.com